12 May 2008

A Storm is Brewing, the Calm Beforehand

It takes a madman to do this kind of job, one where his thoughts and ideas impede him from doing normal kind of work. I think that sums up my disposition on life. I go bezerk, a frenzy for art- like an act of killing, and grace, art for me is a holy war of positives and negatives.

I'm obsessive in many aspects of my life, not just in my art. Art is life is it not, and vice versa? My dream lately is to be a drill sergeant of art. Thats just to give you an idea of the aggresion and passion I feel for art. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I want to push people past thier limits, I want people to really know what it takes to be a strong artist, an officer, a leiutenant, a commander. A war hero, an artist hero. I hate to rule with terror or an iron fist fuck, but I'm a crazy SOB, and this world is causing me a lot of anger, and my anger is exploding with fury in my art. I don't want pain, or inflict deadly pain but I feel the type of anger to be that aggressive. I try to release it on paper, but for those that know me, and its not many, they know I'm highly demanding, obsessive aggresive disorder.

Thats why I consider myself a drill sergeant. I don't accept failure. I don't accept mediocre efforts, I'm here to cause maximum amount of damage in art. My heart is a machine gun! I'll murder this world forever with my art. There's no other sufficient way to explain my passion for art other than through sexual metaphors.

This isn't some lollygagging no brainer. For me this is high stakes, black ops, CIA mission. Gathering intelligence, resources, excecution, dedication, working under high stress. Trying not to run out of ways to fight. Fighting smart. Fighting fights I know I can win.

I'm an extremist with my emotions. I like to think I live the middle path. I'm not a Buddhist monk, but I know somethings about that lifestyle, the ultimate, life saving path. However, I don't think some of their passive techniques would square up with the savagery of evil. I've heard Joe Coleman once say, you have to fight evil with the tools of the devil, while he was target practicing with a hand gun.
The 2nd amendment of the USA grants its citizens to have firepower. There's a reason that this is the second most important thing to this supposed free country, right after free speech, is the right to bear arms! Nobody is supposed to take your freedom away, and if they do you should kill them! We our living under fascism and it makes me sick. everybody is brainwashed. Everything you ever learned is false. There's a line from a passage in the Tao Teh Ching, and thats Unlearn your Learing. Everything that you've seen on TV is most likely syndicated by the CIA, or some sort of think tank of psychologists that are programming minds across the world since the printing press, radio, and television were invented. There are people that know how to program a mind, they are hitting us hard in many forms and we are mostly now under thier rule.
I don't feel free. I feel like a slave, I feel like I'm not able to feel my full potential. I feel drugged by everything I'm eating, I feel like a zombie loving TV head. Who knows what we really are anymore. Teenagers are all suicidal now a days, they don't know what to do with themselves, they have no hope for the future, they have no hobbies, things outside themselves is the only entertainment they desire, they could care less about politics, and more on emo hairstyles and sluts. If thats not evidence enough for you to see there is something really fucked up with modern intelligence, than mentioning that 9-11 was an inside job is probably insane to you.
You see, I love life, I love the simple things in life, and all the great things life has to offer, conversation, laughing, women, paved roads, flushing toilets, computers, etc, but when these things are taken advantage of, it makes you start hating life! I love the way life should be, but I hate the way life is being programmed!

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