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"I'm ambitious for leaving you in stitches" Necro
Ambition I always was taught is a negative trait. Only recently like in the past week or so have I started to think otherwise. Marcus Aurelius said a man is only worth his ambitions. What I was taught prior to that was ambition is some sort of power seeking journey that ultimately consumes all men who take that path.
I guess ambition can be noble, or it can be negative. It depends what you are going after. Also, it appears, how much you can get away with.
The feeling of ambition in my life is about a leap of faith. I want to land in a great, pleasant area, with pillows, cushions, beautiful arabian virgins feeding me grapes and wine, in some wealthy prince's palace some where in NYC. I want to be extremely healthy and fit, confident, reassured by capital and energetic for more passion. I want my mind to give way to passion and let reason subside for a few hours and have the greatest sex of my life with these women. That would make a great porno. I got to get into the porn biz.
Haha, don't let that be the catalyst of my ambition purpose. Although a lot of materialistic precedent is apparent in my ambition, I also want to contribute to the truth, freedom, liberation movement. I'm sure, confident that freedom will destroy all overt forms of tyranny. I'm on the right side, even though my viewpoints seem out of the ordinary.
So my ambition feels like a parade of grand army, marching through the streets of a metropolis, with fleets of nuclear warheads being driven on tanks and the entire nations jeers on, celebrating the might and power of their country's military's force strength. Thats how strong I feel, thats my artistic, business, personal strength and power for all that is my life force that will drive me to the greatest success an artist can honestly have.
I don't want to be a unheard of, dirt poor artist. That is failure. Failure is not an option. The message is important even if you don't get it, thats okay, you are suffering from cognitive dissonance. Atleast appreciate the art aesthetically.
I'll talk here briefly about the complex topic of what art is to a person. Does a person have to be preconditioned to art in order to appreciate art? Are artists con artists or is art actually a innate human mechanism?
Art at First Glance
I can honestly say I've not liked an artwork at first glance but over time, the painting grew on me. I refer to the piece, Joe Coleman's "As You Look Into the Eye of the Cyclops, So it Looks Into You".
I saw this in an issue of Juxtapose magazine. At first I was repulsed by this. I didn't even consider it art. I felt it was too much looking at pictures. Like the artist used the television as a crutch. Like none of the imagery in the piece was from the artists own imagination.
Over time though, this painting imprinted itself into my mind. I'm a fan of detail. Prior to seeing Joe Coleman art, my main interests in art was Albrecth Durer, and ancient Chinese art. I was very hard to impress when it came to prolific detail and technique. I've never had to opportunity to see a Coleman in person, and I'm sure if I did, my immediate reaction would have been different.
None the less, this art challenged my view, my critical theory of what art and painting was at the time. I now regard this piece as one of the greatest paintings of all art history. Seriously, nothing, by any other artist that has ever lived compares to this vision. This art although not perfect in its historical facts like the 9/11, war on terror, Bush and all that. This does speak to the audience about our contrived fears through the power of the American tv media.
The power of this art is in its sincere force to accomplish the piece, that this is done with an extremist, religious devotion. That force of incredible intricacy and astute research and translation is phenomenal. It seems foreign and alien to our mortal lives. As if it was delivered here by a crazy old hermit from who the world shuns. This is breathtaking for me. The feelings I get from this is near religious awe.
This is the power of art I regard as meaning. This art delivers wonder and amazement, inspiration. This art makes me feel strong and empowered. It makes me want to analyze and realize the world around me, not just nature, but the unnatural too. I want to read deeper into everything I'm bombarded with. I want to do drugs and see art like this. I want to fall asleep and have a great dream that looks like this. For me, most of all, I want to do work comparable to this. Maybe you can too, in whatever work you do. This piece offers the sincerest, highest emancipation of truth of diligence.
Art, the Artist, and Reproduction i.e. Sex
For me, art is my distinct characteristic that I rely on for people to like me, to treat me nice, and should I dare say be attracted to me? Aside from the religiousdevotion the art work illuminates, I think it also represents the artist's own discipline, perversion, humor, and obsessiveness he sees life as. I don't know much on the artist Joe Coleman's personal life, and I don't think anybody should, but I do know he has had long lasting relationships with women, but I think he is childless. So was Albrecth Durer. Although I think I've heard he has tried to conceive a child, but that they died in miscarries. I've also read that he had bragged about his many loving relationships with women. Its also been said that he was considered a beautiful man. I don't know what to say about that, he has a knarly beard, I guess women like that. I've also read that he did not know how to dance, so he paid for dance lessons, tried them out and walked out on the lessons because he didn't like to dance. For some reason I don't like to dance either. So I was delighted to read that, but at the same time it doesn't ameliorate the difficulties of finding a partner.
So not knowing how to dance kind of narrows the playing field when it comes to women.
I think, being in the professional world of art, outside the school system, in San Antonio with a modest art scene, it makes it that much more difficult to find success with women.
Durer lived in Italy for God sakes. Coleman lives in NYC. I assume the rates of sexual success skyrocket in places like that.
I lived in Providence, RI, and it was great there, but then again that was in on a college campus, but if anything, it should be a sign of success. I mean getting a college degree is supposed to mean something about whats coming to you in your life.
I guess with anything about being an artist like this you have to be patient. They say patience is a virtue, they also say ambition waits for nothing. I'm stuck in this predicament, where I want to be a normal human being, I have desires and a sex drive and all that, but at the same time I have to hang in the balance and put most of my energy forth on motivation and strength to endure isolation, that is comparable to prison.
No matter, sexual success would be a motivating factor in the the production of art. I don't know why, but it seems like the artist isn't allowed to think about sex, like I'm supposed to see beyond it. In actuality its probably what I'm seeking out as much as money. Long term reproductive success with a woman would probably rate higher than money. Don't they say that friends are more important than money?
I guess this is the only thing I got to aspire to:
Tony Montana: In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.
So I see art as a tool for reproductive success. I heard women like a guy to be good at something, doesn't matter what it is, shinning shoes, anything. So here I am.
Art as Monetary Value
I got to talk about this. I want to know about the market value of art works from Durer when he was alive. I heard that he was world famous by the age of 28. Thats what that portrait of him I put up here is from. He's 28, and wearing expensive clothes and white gloves with no paint on them, supposedly showing how good he is. They say by that age he had pulled himself out of some sort of financial debt. He was borrowing money from a friend of his I think while he was in Italy. In Durer's journals he says that the amount of money he spent on food for himself was equivalent to the amount the mayor of the city of Nuremberg made in a year. That must have been a lavish lifestyle.
I heard Joe Coleman sells his art for $50,000 a painting. So when I look at a piece by him, I'm not only looking at the masterful art, I'm also looking at art that is worth 50 grand today, if not more, that was like a 2006 figure. I think I heard him getting $100k for art. I've heard other mediocre artists getting that much for some paint splattered on a canvas, I could imagine Joe's art to be worth that high figure.
Money makes art meaningful. Some people get blinded by the market value of art and assume its a great, religious marvel when it might not be. I see things that are just commercial art but they are endorsed to be great genius for some reason and companies pay millions of dollars for it. Companies are bigger than people, so I guess that by working, catering towards that market is a business plan to get silly rich.
That sucks because you get a art market that is flooded with bullshit, and a lot of people like the bull shit, a lot of pretty girls going to the some trendy art opening in Chelsea . They see some crappy paint splatter, or some high end looking glossy white canvas sail to Bausch and Lomb for 3 million, suddenly every thing you see is that from sea to shining sea. And people start trying to seek that out, this is money, this is worth millions, if you could do this, your a artistic genius.
Whatever you want to cater towards, do you want your art hanging in the lobby of a skyscraper sold to a company, or do you want to sell to individuals is part of the foresight of the motivation of art.
Some people also work at art backwards because of this. Like there are people that use their sex appeal to sell art. I guess, thats fine if I know you, but if you aren't helping me out than there is something wrong with you. Art is a tradition. Its not some newly fabricated Andy Warhol cocaine factory experiment. It has a long history of deciphering the human mind by learning from previous visionary minds to capture the essence of the continually evolving modern man. The world is plummeting into chaos, and its hard to compare that to a hot piece of ass, which would you choose? Tough choice. May the best man win.
Art as Morality
One thing that is hard to determine in my own art is perceptions of morality. I don't have a definative explanation for all the worlds problems. Thats an ongoing issue in my art. Art has been used throughout history as a means of propagating moral belief systems. Art today is now graphic arts, the media. Sunday mass has been replaced by the big football game. Both are one in the same in my view. For the most part the Christian church evolved into the American media, sans the wisdom.
Alright, so my art does try to get across a moral message, and that would probably be the main component in the production of my art. For a overview of that, just look at the art I've done and keep watching cuz there's a lot more to come. But, yes, art does have the power to represent ideals, and morals. I think that is why companies favor art that is devoid of political voice. That is why artistic genius is promoted as art that pertains to the green movement, or the new Hollywood action flick, Transformers, or some other teeny bopper brain washing fest.
Just be aware that the same people that tried to brainwash kids into double agents are the ones that have a lot to do with everything you see on television, on myspace, anything that is mainstream, neo con, America is doing the right thing, just sit back, shut up, while we get you off with soft core teeny bopper porn and stuff you full of GMO food. Its what the psychopaths want. They been studying the human brain for the past 100 years. Now, driving is getting harder to do so you will definately be spending more time in front of the boob tube or some other brain washing mechanism. If you think that these people who have brain washed people during the MK Ultra project didn't learn anything about how to program your mind, you got to be in the midst of their grasp, so take a good long look in the mirror or take a look at my art, and try to see within yourself if you've fallen ill to the NWO master plan.
Conclusion
All in all, its hard to say what you think of art. I think you think art. There are many forms of "art" you are hit with. For people that don't know what to consider art, TV watchers predominately, what they see on there is a form of art. From there, VH1 graphics are cool and Po Mo to the hipster teeny boppers in high schools and colleges across the country and in most of the major museums.
So most of you are living off of art that is devoid of voice. You have been educated to love shiny plastic shapeless blobs of form and convinced you of genius with a 3.6 million dollar price tag. You've been taught that artists are heroin addicts, high on drugs, hate life, depressed with dark sinister thoughts. Or on the other hand are happy, commercial friendly, teeny bopper, cute sex toys.
So I hope you can come to your senses and appreciate, seek real art. Although its limited in the scope of the trash in text books, these artists are prolific with genius, that is the beauty of great art, its everything you want to experience, its the whole spectrum of life. Its a passion for life. Experience Joe Coleman, Alex Jones, these guys got great ideas. Its what we need in this world.
Fuck you first of all.
and to back me up, Marcus Aurelius
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. "
Marilyn Manson said, that the best ideas come from a child or a person that is insane. Isn't that right? Unfortunately for me, I've talked to more insane people that children, so I got more insanity in me I guess than I need.
Every once in a while I'll want to talk to an insane person. Other than that, I want people to think I'm the insane person. I am crazy, as I try to explain here on this online blogness. Unlike an insane person, I'm aware of the fact that my crazy thoughts are a form of entertainment and inspiration so I can't get away with murder- God Damn it!
There's no one I want to kill personally. I think there are people that should be burned at the stake, or executed by firing squad, like Bush and Cheney for one, and anybody else of the elite ruling powers that we could bring to justice, than hell yeah, mother fuckers deserve to die. Shit they've killed a lot a people, I'm surprised nothing has been done about that yet.
Anyways, the Law of Attraction. This idea slips away from me. Sometimes I'm in the zone, where I like to be, in a good mood, but somehow I've managed to get mixed up in the wrong crowds, seems like there are people that present themselves as my counterpart but than shapeshift like an evil reptilian, than I have to shapeshift like a reptilian.
So I'm trying to be happy funny Albert. I am fucking crazy no doubt. Peep this:
"Sometimes I think my shit is too brutal for most/ I might be the only one capable of digesting the dose"
Necro, Poetry in the Streets
There you have it. That about sums up my disposition on where I'm coming from. Aside from that, I try to be funny about things. Funny about serious issues. You got to pay homage to the almighty serious issues. If ya don't you're avoiding the truth. A lot of people avoid the cold hard facts. I'm right there in the thick of it, I realize the crazy shit and want expose it but I got to work into it.
Whatever, its all about the law of attraction. What you know about that?
For me, extreme violence is the revenge I get off to because of the wimpy, won't go there attitude of society that is expressionless and meaningless, slave society. Now that I have found out the secret to being an American, freedom of speech, absolute expression so long as I don't premeditate anything, that is my number one desire.
I drive off of hurting you with art. Art is my machine gun. Art is my AK-47. I'm an expert marksman, you don't fuck with me. I've got a serious mental, pathological neurosis here. I'm ready to drop the most graphic, intense art you will ever have to deal with. I grew up crazy, this world never knew what to do with me. I always feel like my next step is prison. In a way I am a prisoner, alienated from the population. My views are extreme because I'm a true artist. I paint through a tip. Just like artists 500 years ago, my first reaction is to work with a point, something that will give me quality lines the my mind draws them.
Today I am fortunate enough to be equipped with the most advanced tools that allow you to make art even faster than before. Lucky me, which is why I envision progress to be faster than other artists 500 years back. It took Durer to the age of 28 to be world renowned at the time. Through printing press which was all the rage back then. Today is the internet. You only the the mechanics of simple interfaces that allow you to divulge information at the speed of a CPU processor, which are pretty fast now a days.
Back to the topic at hand. Violence will set me apart from others. I'm not trying to do blind violence, I'm trying to be poetic and blatant with my art. There seems to be a reason that violence is largely kept out of the public eye. I'm on the public level right now. I have to be vulgar and obscene to showcase my pathway into the abyss. By coming out and steadfast saying that I'm a crazy mother fucker that wants to draw pictures of brutal violence than that is the path I will be headed down. For most people, they take the safe route. I intend to be the antithesis of safe. The only thing safe about my art is the care and perfectionism in the way the art is handled.
I own perfectionism. Thats my thing. My art is always going to be meticulous. It all depends what I am depicting. That is the flesh and bones of the statement I'm trying to make with my passion.
You can say I'm desensitized to violence. I'm looking for life through violence. I'm looking to what drove somebody to be violent. At the same time its a journey into why I'm drawn to violence. What makes me violent? Why do I have to get off this way? Why do I make it hard for myself to succeed?
I want things to be a challenge. I want to in 5 years from now look back in amazement. I want to see what I have accomplished from being a barrior boy, to making a better life for myself all through the respect the duty of my art has brought me.
I've got an invincible attitude towards life. I was born simple but I got a complex code to crack something the CIA can't hack. You mother fuckers are going to pay for what you done. I'm after the powers that be that made life difficult for me. For me not being born into a loving world. For me not being born strong and outspoken. For being force fed lies. For being lonely in my perception, vision, philosophy.
I escaped brainwashing through violence. I have to show the true horrors of war. I have to put you through psychological torment. Its the only way you will learn. What I do has to be ingrained in history for the benefit of humanity. This is my quiet ride. Albert, with a soft spoken voice, speaks strong in another way. Through art.
I'm aware of the big picture. I'm trying to script my success. I'm playing a game. I'm trying to be the hardest player to beat. I'm trying to set an example. I teach by setting an example. I'm trying to learn all the moves. I'm looking at what works. I'm mimicking what works.
These are the hardest days of my life. I write that here so that one day it will be looked back on for future reference. I can't wait to have a fan base. I can't wait to inspire people with my art. I know what inspiration is. I have art heroes. I'm just glad I was able to find them, just by being able to experience the artworks and learn as much as I can from the artists is the joy of my life. I'm just a person that loves the art of another, and I want to give that to the whoever needs it. Right now there is a need for brutal, explicit art that defies institutionalized memorandum. I want to be an extension of the genius that has inspired me to want to reach for genius.
Prices are rising by the hour it feels like. Most obviously the price of gas. Then the price of food. All the while, peoples wages stay the same. If costs keep rising, and wages stay the same, people won't be able to afford the quality of life they are used to. We are supposed to be living in a first world country. This is truly sad to see our country sick, I'd hate to use the term, on its death bed.
I'm not exactly sure but I heard that when Hitler came to power, Germany was in a economic depression where people were taking wheel barrels of money to buy a loaf of bread at the market. That is what our economic situation is turning into. The thing that is outrageous and heart breaking is that everybody thinks there is a shortage in oil, when there are rumors from credible sources that the mainstream media won't bring you, that there are hundreds of years worth of oil in our very own country.
The powers that be are conditioning us right now to accept our new lifestyle. A meager, third world, struggling vapid waste land.
Prices are not steady. Prices need to be steady. Or what is the point of acquiring money, where one minute you have enough for dinner, you order your plate of food for $50 and by the time you are finished eating, the value of the money has dropped, so now the meal price has been raised to $600. I've heard that story from a friend that was in the Navy while in Somolia or some third world country like that, that you have to pay for your food first because the currency wasn't stable.
Now, I never know if I have enough money to go out. I remember something like a soda, which I don't drink anymore, but its something I've been able to keep an eye on, used to cost $.59. Now, its a whole dollar more. It isn't because the soda is of better quality. Its because the value of the currency has diminished.
The true problem with the rising prices is the value of our currency. The dollar is a printed piece of paper from a source that is not written in the constitution. Our founding fathers already new of the atrocities of a fiat currency. There is no value in the currency. It is written in the Constitution that we are to use gold and silver as money, because you can't make more of it. Its a stable currency.
There is going to be a meltdown. The currency is slipping faster than I assumed. I hear people on the Alex Jones Show, financial experts, market analysis, people that are astute in matters such as economics, and they have been talking about the dollar falling. Its going fast. When energy, food, water comes to the point where we can't afford it anymore, there is going to be a breaking point.
The thing is, I can't really see myself or my neighbors, or anyone I know, rioting. I can probably see increased police forces. I can imagine SWAT team forces standing guard grocery stores. Officers with full auto sub machine guns, assualt rifles, riot gear, bullet proof armor, dressed in olive green fatigues. I can't imagine there be fighting. There will be increased police forces before there will be riots.
After months of police forces standing guard at street corners and supermarkets, than maybe you will start hearing about riots at Las Palmas shopping center. The riots here in San Antonio would probably start on the West side. Thats because I know that area better, but I think in the deep east side, like around the AT&T Center, there could be an backlash.
Just get ready for astronomical energy, food, gas, water, prices. The only thing that could prevent that is a change in our currency not our presidency. The only viable candidate Ron Paul has been ignored by the fucktards of America. There is no change in Obama you weak minded fools. We are being screwed over royally by this crap. Wake up and smell the rotting sewag at your door. America is in its last throes.
While all this is happening, while the wool has been pulled over our eyes, war with Iran will be getting under way. All of this for no reason. Incredible what whores we are. To be fucked, gang raped by psychopaths. Do people care about their lives anymore? Wow, this has all been engineered. We are in the midst of a strategic plan to cripple America and the world. The fight must come from within.
There is no good guy country this time around to stop tyrrany and oppression. There are no allied powers. The Allied powers are in kahootz with the bad guys. The whole world is bad. From Mao's China to just about any country you can think of. There are more bad joint forces than any good ones. Good is severely outnumbered by bad. We are in a crisis situation.
Good will prevail. We just got to wake up. The powers that be hate your living guts. They love death. They love for us to die slow, painful, miserable lives. They love for us to be weak. They love to torture. They love being in power. This is their art project. This is their masterpiece. Think of it that way. They care about making you suffer.
Wake up now. Our lives are being ruined!
David Rubin, the Curator for contemporary art at SAMA is going to be sponsoring me at this years Blue Star RedDot event. I feel honored to be sponsored by David cuz he has a long career in art, he's worked at art museums all across the country, most recently at the worked at the Contemporary Arts Center in New Orleans. He graduated from Harvard. He taught art history at Scripps College in Claremont, CA. His career is too long for my short term memory. He's seen a lot of art over his career and its great that he is helping me out. Thats whats really great about David is his mentoring, he's been guiding me through the art world over the past few years. We both arrived in San Antonio at about the same time 2 years ago. Since then, he's been very supportive and open minded to some of the crazy shit I been going through. He's a good listener, and gets things done. This man would probably take a bullet for art. jk, David, but thanks for your help. You're the man!
and if he weren't lucky enough, this is now his, Good Trip/Bad Trip
World Gone Mad, 207, 22x30in, tech pen on paper
I don't know if I can top myself here. I worked on this piece for the entire month of August 2007. I thought I could do it in 2 weeks, fill up a page 22x30in. The thing that really took a long time to do was the ground texture. I used a felt tip brush pen to do the entire piece. I actually used several of them because I don't like to use dull, worn out tips. I like the sharp, millimeter tip. With a brush pen, the amount of pressure effects the width of the line. With all this fine detail, I had to be extremely meticulous with how I worked the tip. Pretty nerve racking experience. Not like being in an airplane going down, or anything, something I could live to tell about, but I was stressed out a whole bunch. I'm stressed with every art work I do, but this one, just in its scope takes the cake as being one of my most difficult drawings. The only thing that compares is animation, but I love animation :)
So the idea of this piece was to portray society as it really is. To show the history of violence all at once. Even if these things aren't happening right now, like a riot, as this piece looks, I tried to envision a section of land, with the type of violent history it has had. In the background is the Bexar county jail.
This is about cause and effect. The more limits you place on things like drugs, the more violence and crime there is going to be. If nobody gave a fuck about drugs, than there wouldn't be any problems right?
Why then are there so many laws, and more by the day, to prohibit you from drugs? Its a prison system. Its a world gone mad is what it is.
So let me explain some of the imagery for the piece. My intention was to replicate Hackberry st on the city's east side, so some of the terrain and buildings are my general description of the area. You may recognize something, but nothing is drawn to scale or accuracy. I'm familiar with the area. Its a street you don't want to walk on at night. Hookers work it 24/7.
I've never walked the street here. My dad works on Cherry st which runs parallel to Hackberry, so I've seen this area a lot over my life. The entire east side is dangerous. Don't tell me its not 'cause I seen people at 3 in the morning just standing, plain sight, slanging drugs. Probably crack. The hood is delapidated, and I seen a recently burned out house there, and that is where I got the house on fire idea in the drawing.
I once see this woman, fresh out the hospital still wearing her hospital gown, so I drew her a few times. She was just chillin' on the curb with a drunkard, sipping on a 40.
The helicopters crashing was something I seen on the news around that time. I can imagine it happening again, it would probably work to the advantage of the criminals since the ghetto bird choppers are down, they don't got to worry about them eyes in the sky.
The police cruiser and officer slamming into the suspect is something that had really happened at the time this piece was done. A person was thought to be a suspect of a robbery and the cop felt threatened by the teenager and slammed him with the cruiser into a telephone poll to neutralize the suspect. Pretty messed up, having your spine and internal organs violently squashed with a few hundred horse power metal object and a splintery telephone poll.
Other stuff is typical body stashed in some grass, hooker and her john fucking outdoors, how romantic. hit and runs. Random gang violence, and some kids playing with guns.
I intentionally didn't use perspective. I tried to format this as a Chinese scroll, one of my favorite art forms I may add. I used to draw scrolls a few years back. Like 4 or 5 years back. I liked Chinese scroll art way more than all of western art, that is until I discovered Albrecth Durer.
Oh yeah and this piece goes good with a couple of Necro songs:
World Gone Mad
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8sgX8IKIaqA
Poetry in the Streets
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dPkAFiJE1j8
I don't like holding back tears. I don't like my heart filled with putrid black bile. I don't like the way things are going these days, Dark days, age of darkness.
Several people have told me that my art looks like prison art. Thats a good compliment, when I hear somebody tell me that, I thinking inside like, hell yeah, my shit is work son. Blood, sweat and tears. Its a crazy fucking ordeal to come up with the shit I say. I'm no genius, I struggle to be articulate in images. All my art starts off with a mistake. The very first line is a mistake. In my imagination I can see the entire piece, and as soon as I try to paint that, things go wrong. I have no idea what my arm and hand is going to give me. Thats why I like basket ball, you never know if its going to go in or not.
I'm a streaky painter. I go on streaks(naked). Some days are bad for painting. I'm no good at it. Others are exceptional, I understand, I'm like photoshop, fuck computers, fuck looking at shit, I'm the shit you should be looking at. Fuck bullshit artists, Fuck the world, Fuck assholes, Fuck society, Get Some!
I'm angry at the world mother fuckers! I'll stab you with a visual knife. My heart is inward driven spear on fire, a cruise missle warhead. I say the same shit as other bad ass artists, I feel the anger necessary for art to take place. A cathartic expression. A release like a fucking savage animal, or demon empire raging for weeks to be let out. I fuck with strong forces, the best, Marine Recon, Navy Seal, CIA commandos, I got that spirit in me but for art. I got the empathy for hard work and practice.
People say my art looks like prison art, I'm not fucking around, I'll blow your city up with my art. I'll drop artistic nukes all over the place. I'm a sniper, I wait for indefinate amounts of time, focused on art. I'm studying with a telescopic scope, I'm studying with microscope.
"I haven't a band/ I have no choice but to/I'll make everyone pay and you will see" I love that line. Ever since I first heard it more than ten years ago, Man that you Fear, by Marilyn Manson.
I'm driven by revenge. Every person that crossed me bad, that dissed me when I shown you respect, or you cheat me, or talk shit about me, smile in my face, you know, make my life as miserable as it can be, I have to do something that is going to blow you out the water. I got the heart of champion, I warrior that will fight to the death with my art. Its all about my art. The message and the meaning. My shit is done the way its supposed to be done, I'm obsessed with my art. I'm OCD, obsessive compulsive demanding.
In my most depressing days of existence, I drew art. I didn't get the girl, fuck it, her loss, I drew art. I'm not going down like that, I'm going to paint myself a better lie, thats right lie, not life, i did a typo, a little fruedian slip, i'll keep it.
Totally broke, all I need is a blank sheet of paper and a black pen, I'll draw on it for 40 hours and its a masterpiece, I'm going down in history. Like a person that commits a crime, kills a bunch of people, serial killer, or whatever, thats me. My victims are paper, stabbed them 10,000 times a piece. The most brutal shit you ever seen- psychotic.
Am I bragging about myself? yeah, but I'm doing something positive, I'm a rogue artist, I been working alone for years now. I am like an inmate, like a Charles Manson, too crazy for the rest of the population, so I'm isolated. What kind of crazy shit is he going to say next? I'm doing art the way I'm innately inclined to. I got the talent, I can draw anything, I got the psychosis, I can think some crazy shit up.
If you show me love, I'll show it back. Thats simple and plain. I don't know why its just hard to navigate the realms here in San Antonio. Thats right, I'm at odds with San Antonio. I rep it like Necro reps Brooklyn. Its my home town, I'm down for it. But shit, this place place really knows how to treat its talent- like bums. They don't know what they got here. Is it a money issue? or is it a conservative issue?
This place has got some issues. I went to Rhode Island being brought up, straight up, hood mexican, ghetto ass mother fucker, and looking back on some of the shit I pulled, like relationships, man, I was going off a San Antonio jealousy script. Maybe its fashionable to be promiscuous, that shit bugs me out. I don't know how to approach that, but that seems to be the new style of living. No more family unit, its all backstabbing, drug induced betrayals, or something, I can't find a decent person anymore.
I feel like I have been sent to prison. All the negativity is just fuel for my fire, my burning desire. I've never had a place where I didn't have any friends. I'm not used to being friendless. I have friends, but I need some soldiers that are into the shit I'm into. I need companionship. I feel miserable. Misery is what fuels my art. I can taste revenge.
