22 July 2008

Journeyman, Mystic Quest to Truth

First Case
"Bright Green Grass"

I sort of cringe when people use psychedelic mushrooms, or shrooms as I'll refer to them from here on out, for recreational purposes. I first learned about shrooms freshman year of college when I saw people taking these fungi rotted shrooms just for fun. I knew the people and noticed that they're pupils got dilated, and they would laugh and giggle, have a gidddy time.

I was opposed to this substance. I didn't know a thing about them, I considered them a hard drug like heroin and cocaine. I saw my friends do them so my opinions about the stuff started to change. They didn't flop over dead, they didn't vomit for hours, they just seemed normal but had a silly loose pep in their step. Soon I became open to trying this drug out.

So my friends let me take a little bit with them one night. It was a big group of us a mixture of guys and girls. I thought this was going to be a bonding experience, so I was comfortable with this situation, these were people I wanted to be friends with, and some still our my good friends.

This was a mild trip. A good one to get me to want to try them again. The major revelations I had with this trip was increases in perceptual senses. No hallucinating, I just saw reality more objectively, I noticed the proportions of people to the architecture in the environment, and noticed that the colors were more saturated, the grass was bright green.
Case Two
Good Trip, Bad Trip

The scenario for this experience was one that led to me and my friend who had taken the shrooms with have a mental breakdown. From this experience I learned to be in a comfortable setting, not have any worries, or social obligations.

I got caught up in the moment, and flipped out on my friend. Its funny now, but in the heat of the moment, I was seriously in a state of panic. It was the last day we could be in the our dorm rooms, we needed to be out the next morning by 7am or 8am-early. Well, my friend had a whole lot of packing still to go, we are supposed to take a taxi together to the airport in the morning. He had some shrooms to get rid of, so we had to take them. The situation got to me, and I saw this huge mess my friend needed to pack, he didn't have enough suitcase space for everything, so he was going to try to stuff everything into a box or something. But we were messed up so bad on shrooms, that we couldn't organize ourselves and were sort of infeable.

I left the room and said I was going to take a shower cuz thats all I needed to do for my plain traveling. I had the most amazing shower of my life. I was no longer in a panic, but started to feel cleansed of those emotions in the shower, like a baptism. The water felt good, I saw it cascading and the sound of the water was a phonic delight. I felt loose and comfortable in my body, my clothers draped over my body perfectly, and I was fascinated by the sound of buttoning my shirt up.

So this trip went from a bad trip to a good trip. Some how my friend got his shit together, and we were both on the same page, feeling great, slapping hi fives and new what was up. I noticed the trees looked like dragons, and nature seemed intelligent and alive, almost as if I had never noticed it before. I was even still intoxicated at the airport, I was standing waiting for my bags to get xrayed and I noticed all the airline information warping. The terminals seemed long and receded into deep space, like a vanishing point on a horizon.

Case Three
Big Bang

So this is the experience that changed my life. Here are some of the details; this was an impromptu trip. I was pretty confident with my shrooming experiences. So I had no qualms about tripping. The shrooms were beautiful. Pearly white, knarly stems with spots that were dark rich blue, like ink dropped on tissue paper. Also, scattered on the stems, were gold flakes, like gold leaf. I couldn't believe it and had not much time to apprecaite their aesthetic beauty as they were consumed quickly. I was at my best friends apartment. I lived a walk down the hill. So I was comfortable at this place.

After ingesting the shrooms, I was hanging with my friend in his room while he worked on a photo project and was operating a matte cutter. His room was small and sqaurish. On the walls were his drawings that he would entertain me with, rather enjoyable, humorous drawings. But this time they started to look scary. They peeled off the wall like spirits.

I started to feel sick, I started to regret eating the mushrooms. In an effort to bring back the positive feelings of tripping I asked if I could use his shower. He said yeah, but I didn't know how to operate the shower-that felt like a daunting task, one I was not capable of achieving in my current whacked out mind.

I wanted to feel comfotable. I wanted to live, not die. I my friend if I could lay down on his bed, and for him to check on me to make sure I would be alright.

I curled up in a feetle position under a blanket, alone. Worried that I was going to die. I thought about the police finding my dead body, and how pathetic it was that I died on shrooms. I thought about how sad my family would be that I died like this. All this was in my mind, with my eyes closed I started to lose track of time. My mind was abosorbed in death. I didn't realize during the whole experience that I was hallucinating, until after the experience.

Those feelings of death started to go away. I was convinced that I was dead, but this wasn't a bad thing at all. I was over joyed that I was dead. I realized there is only one conciousness. That life and death are equal. That this consciousness works no matter what. That we are fortunate beings to live for how ever long we do. I didn't want people to cry for me. I wanted to come back from the dead and tell people that everything is okay. That I was very happy to be alive, and dead. It was the same thing.

By attaining this knowledge, I felt as though I had been released from my fear of death. What actually died was my ego. I had a ego death. I felt no fear because I wasn't self conscious. I didn't worry about my fears, I was at peace with my being. I felt great, and accepted as a fortunate part of the structure of life.

As I lay there, I started to see sparking rivers of ultra violets, images of figures would drift and surface bending the streams of light and color, the figures were in anguish, and looked exactly like Picasso's Guernica painting but in vivid colors. I saw my grandparents in the center of my vision, smiling, welcoming me into the light. I felt connected to all life, all my ancestory, and realized the beauty of life, reproduction and pride and honor, and compassion. I never knew that feeling before. I never felt love the I was feeling it. I felt like I was in my mothers womb, safe, nurtured, beyond knowing who I am, as a personality, this great force loved me and cared for me deeply and wanted me to live. This force encouraged me to be confident in my purpose in life.

This is where I got my sense of purpose in life. I was reasured by the loving force that is life that I am "it". "You are it Albert, you are it" was this soft voice that was not mine. You know how you have a voice inside your head that you know is your self, well this voice was speaking to me that was not mine. For the first time, I felt this powerful force of love and compassion eminating from my heart. I felt warm. I saw warm light, oranges and yellows. I felt as though I was being cradled, protected.
I never felt so much care and compassion. The feeling of this was the ultimate wisdom that would bring peace and happiness to every persons being. This great wisdom is inside everybody. This was not just for me, but for everybody. This great wisdom knows who you are because you are it. This is your fullest potential, and this is what your life force wants you to utilize. Your great fortunate being must carry out the life force you have been born into.
This life force was vast and driven infinately inward, through all the universe and beyond was this well spring of compassion, the meaning of life is to continue sharing this life force. The force wants life to happen. The life force loves all its beings. The force pushes, or permeates in everything that exists. This is the heart and soul of all life. I would call this the mother. There is no doubt that this force was feminine. This was my mother, this is the mother of all mothers. She is what I would call God, but even that doesn't do her justice. She is a compassionate, inner life force of all things.
My journey through this led me to a spinning blue buddha. Having no prior knowledge of Buddhism at the time, a spinning, 2 dimensional meditating Buddha colored in ultra violets, passed from the left of my vision to the right making several revolutions till his exit.

I was intrigued as to why I saw a Buddha, from this point on is when I started to research this religion, and this is when I started to discover that many of the revelations and philosophies I was experiencing coincided with what the Buddha taught, so this gave me evidence that what the Buddha taught, is the greatest, knoweldge of the self that exists for humans.

Funny thing about all this, at the end of my revelations, two, 2d creatures on opposite sides of my vision were spitting a little orb of light back and forth at each other, similar to the way the game Pong functions,

Only difference was that the funny monsters would catch the orb in their chomper like mouths and spit it back. I laughed and thought to myself, so what does this have to do with all the great things I just saw, is it a joke? Beyond everything is laughter I reckon.

I awoke to see the people I was supposed to be tripping with in the room with me. I was deleriosly happy. I proclaimed I just found out what everybody wants to know. Yet there was no way of telling people, it was more of a self experience. I was so happy. I woke up hallucinating spirals of color like I was wearing hallucination sun glasses. There was a filter of swirling rainbows in my vision. I felt as though there was no difference between sleeping and being awake. I could be asleep and be in the same consciousness as when I am alert and awake. Like I could pass through levels of consciousness with ease.

The rest of the trip was just being amazed by what I had experienced. I was still tripping hard and was able to manipulate my vision. I remember looking at a painting a friend of mine had done, and being able with my mind to animate it.

The revelation experience from the time I passed out, to the time I awoke was three hours. I was absorbed completly by this experience for 3 hours. Curled up in a ball, hallucinating out the wazoo for 3 hours, eyes closed shut.

1 comment:

Matt Canale said...

Quite the journey my friend! I wish everyone could feel what its like to be born again. I hope that feeling is still with you. Stay in touch!